WELCOME TO THE MAN CAVE
ONE OF MY MISSIONS IN LIFE IS TO
NORMALIZE MEN AND SELF-CARE
What is being a Man with a Disability?
Here we are in 2020 and yet Men STILL do not have much space on this planet for help. There are only TWO Men's shelters in the entire U.S. and most Women's shelters turn away boys as young as 12 years old, I read in a recent article. (see articles at bottom!) I do not understand gender discrimination that both do to each other and I want to help merge that gap, and make men feel like they have a SPACE to come to for someone cool to talk to who is very intelligent, knowledgeable and wise. I am a Personal Empowerment Coach with extensive life experiences and education. Learn more on the CREDENTIALS page.
I created THE MAN CAVE in hopes you can feel you have somewhere to go and someone to talk to who is down to earth, practical, empathetic, and has extensive history of helping people from all walks of life. Whether you'd benefit from temporary or long-term guidance, I've got your back and we figure it out along the way! I do individual sessions and packages to save you money which are bulk sessions we will discuss in our FREE 20 MIN Discovery Call.
MEN WITH HEALTHY CONCERNS OR ILLNESSES: it takes a lot of courage and stepping into BEAST MODE by being proactive with your own Health and/or being an Advocate or Caretaker for a loved one! Being born with what was supposed to be a terminal illness and now having 35 years of being a Professional Patient under by belt - I consider myself an expert navigating my way through the healthcare system as a Patient, Family member and Advocate.
Men not getting help, being judged, having to be this "masculine" type person who is not supposed to need resources to get through life is just so unrealistic and impractical - YOU ARE HUMAN, we all need resources and to practice self-care by seeking help with different areas of life sometimes.
NOW LETS DIG IN TO SOME DEEPER STUFF...
Let's start by talking about that ruthless Male Ego that makes Men the alluring Hunters, Gatherers, Providers, and Fighters for their Families.
This would have served you well in the wild, but we are in a society that does not require you to hunt, gather, and now even provide. In today's society, with women being CEOs and even working part-time while being stay-at-home Mama's - your need of Providing may feel as if it's being stripped away. But, it's not! We just have to be a little more creative with keeping that part of you fulfilled. This is not even scratching the surface of things we discuss in our calls!
We will work on any life concern you have going on as well as differentiating between that Ego that would serve you in the Wild, vs that Ego that serves you in today's society.
ARE YOU READY
to help me HUNT through your mind?
To show you why YOU are worth FIGHTING for FIRST?
To then PROVIDE for YOURSELF before others!
Interested in learning about Male Personality Types or Energies? (Son, Father, Man)
If not that's okay!
I do not push anything anyone is not interested in, but if so please mention it!
Are you a Man of God or Other Faith or Higher Being?
I have helped Christian Men as well and spent many years as a dedicated Christian Woman and understand the isolation of beliefs sometimes due to the "extremists" who ruin it for everyone.
I don't want you to feel this space is not for you even if "energy" talk is not your thing - you take the lead in your language during our calls!
I want you to think about something before our first call:
How does your ego serve you in today's society? Are you able to identify when your Ego kicks in or is it automatic and maybe even feels uncontrollable?
The Ego has MANY positives, but channeling it and adjusting it to our realistic, simplistic lives can leave the Ego coming out in other ways, on people or situations that are not fitting -
SO, let's talk about this and that is only the beginning.
We all know by now, thanks to Joe Exotic & Carol Baskin that keeping a Wild Animal in a cage is not healthy, may make them lose their minds eventually, need drugs to keep them sedated, and find it impossible to have pure authentic JOY because their roaring spirits are not in alignment with their caged environment.
Can you relate?
Are you ready to learn more?
Part 1: How and Why Did I Become Passionate About Helping Men?
I grew up in a predominantly male household...besides my mother, one cat and a few female gerbils - I was on my own with the boys. I was the only girl in my groups of cousins, the only girl on the t-ball team, the only girl playing flag-football, and the only girl who loved fishing and hooking the worms...Man I loved to play with worms! However, I also wore pink and loved Barbie's as much as I loved to hang with the guys.
I had 3 fathers essentially, consistently in my life: My biological father, my step-father, and my grandfather a few streets over. All who probably thought they were teaching me how to be some sweet feminine flower of a little girl, but what children do is copy behaviors of primary caregivers, not listen to their words. So, by default, I became more like a guy.
BRO-ING OUT ON DATES
As I got older I found myself in very difficult situations as a female being like a "bro" to my boyfriends, not knowing how to be a girl. Not only that but the older I got the more I realized literally EVERYTHING in life is made for girls and women and it seemed society treated boys and men as if they were born with an innate backpack of "how to do everything" attached to their backs and that's simply not true.
It's no one's fault, but society and parenting is simply different with boys and girls - at least it was in the 90's and before. I'm an 80's baby myself and old traditions were still very strong during the times of MTV and Duck Hunt.
As I got into my senior year and my high school sweetheart relationship was over forever, I started dating. I was SO bad at dating that I ended up being friends with all of my dates because none of them saw me as anything but a cool guy to hang out with. I was SO CONFUSED.
So, getting into my 20's now-my dates would turn into 3-4 hour pizza and beer drinking while I kicked his butt in a pool game while digging into his mind trying to figure out what made him who he is today and why their previous relationships didn't work out. Ending with a high-five and a "hey if you ever need girl advice let me know!" Hoping they'd call me back.
Oh they called me back alright...to ask why the girl they really liked didn't show up to their date and if I'd like another round of shots and another pool match. So I'd go...
Going on dates with me was like a guys night out...oh and did I mention I'd pay too? At least for myself, but also for them sometimes. SMH.
Again...zero feminine dating skills.
I thought this was what STRONG WOMEN DO and I thought that's what men liked.
Part 2: HOW DOES THIS HELP YOU?
Since my dating skills never worked out and I remained single for the entirety of my twenties, never really getting into a serious relationship but always on and off with one guy - I decided I wanted to help men.
When I lived in Los Angeles I was appalled at the way men were treated. I wanted to help them. I had had so many dates - aka interviews for friendships at this point - that I had learned SO MUCH about men and what they TRULY wanted because they'd all open up to me about everything.
I had NO IDEA men needed to be loved in the way they were expressing! So many girls and women are simply not taught this! I wanted this to stop.
I wanted to be a Dating Coach or a Matchmaker but didn't know how to make that happen. So, I created a YouTube Channel called "Steppn Up With Steph" where I had hundreds and eventually thousands of guys wanting my help. I couldn't believe it! *it's been deleted*
It was about Stepping Up Your "Game" as a Man and not letting women suck out your soul, walk all over you, manipulate you, or play the same games many of the men were playing.
Essentially - I was trying to teach men how to be stronger without being mean, being assertive instead of aggressive, and leading with their masculine energy-not being soft, allowing women to trample your mind and heart.
Since I'd not only experienced how horrible I was at dating, but also how horrible men were too based on their mannerisms and behaviors during dates as well as the endless dating and relationship stories we'd exchange, I wanted to help them learn how to have successful dates too!
I had no backbone and didn't know how to charge for this, so I helped as many as I could through my videos who had the same questions and answered some individually.
At 18 when I got my first Nanny job, then at 20 when I became an assistant to the first CEO I'd work for, I kept learning more and more that brought me to where I am today...
Part 3: WORK LIFE: LEARNING ABOUT MARRIED MEN
Through my twenties I was an Executive Assistant to many male CEO's, a Nanny and Special Needs Caregiver to numerous families - all of which had a father, except a few.
This was the beginning of me learning about Married Men vs Single Men.
I'd already had plenty of married men write to me regarding "Steppn Up With Steph," but I didn't respond to them MUCH because I was afraid they were cheaters trying to learn how to date. Some would write long emails about their unhappy marriages with their wives. I was a single, 20-something girl and had no idea how to help them yet.
Now, as a 35 year old very happily almost-married woman, I now have a good 15 years of studying Marriages behind me, on top of my own parents and familial relationships of course.
Being on the inside of their homes and offices, I knew the reality of what they went through vs what they showed to the world.
I found myself still wanting to help men since women had endless help out there. But, overall I wanted to help relationships in general-especially those that involved children!
I felt and still feel there is a huge lack in our society
for resources for MEN ONLY and I want to help you!
Part 4: WHAT CATEGORY FITS YOU?
Single and finding yourself:
jobs, career, friends, want a healthier lifestyle, struggling with addiction, getting a pet (huge long-term decision!), moving out for the first time, etc;
not sure how, or don't know what to do or say, or what types of partner to look for, don't feel good enough to date, etc;
Not sure how to express your feelings to your wife, feel a disconnect and want to rediscover your passion for each other; you or your partner are abusive, fighting a lot and can't figure it out, feeling blamed for everything and not understanding why, feel controlled, feel partner is jealous to a point of hurting the relationship, feel disconnected from your children, feel unimportant since your wife had a baby, feel partner doesn't let you be the parent you want to be or live how you want to live, thoughts or acts of being unfaithful and want help, thoughts of divorce, want to get back to how things used to be, etc.
Part 5: FINAL NOTES
I am VERY passionate about helping MEN put their lives together due to the lack of resources and the lack of support from society to also be "allowed" to simply have a Coach to talk to, to figure out some pieces of life and put them together with a third party.
I have been a fly on the wall in many guy hang outs and I can teach you how to talk to, understand, and communicate with women. I can offer you insights on how women think and help you learn her communication patterns and strengthen your own.
By working with and for successful men I watched how they operated and thought in both their businesses and their homes as a Nanny. This taught me about the business aspect of men vs how they are at home -
teaching me what sets highly successful men apart from the men that work for them.
Suicide for men is much higher than women due to the lack of reaching out for help, not wanting to be a burden, and/or internalizing their life experiences and pain - burying them deep inside with little to no resources to help them/you feel that YOUR FEELINGS HAVE A SPACE IN SOCIETY.
The MEDIA: Constantly demeaning men AND women - however since we are just talking about men here, what the media is teaching your daughters, girlfriends, wives etc still today are messages that say men men are stupid, worthless, too dumb to even take out the trash, too stupid to feed a baby, doesn't think of anyone's feelings but their own. You guys may not watch all the Rom Com Movies, Television and Magazines that we do and I can tell you they are FILLED with putting men down (just as men movies, TV, and magazines still have demeaning information as well but not nearly as much. It's sad that it's "funny" to be a miserable, drugged or drunk, wife/husband and mother/father who hates their spouse, is annoyed by their kids, and needs to sneak around shopping, "take his credit card," and sneak "bad" foods when he or she's not around, sneak to play video games, sneak to even drink a milkshake...just a lot of sneaking around that is funny in movies and TV shows, but in real life- if you are relating to this and are not fulfilled in your relationship BOOK YOUR DISCOVERY CALL!
Many reasons people in unhappy relationships do NOT seek help is because they are afraid that Coach, friend, family member, etc will tell them to leave their partner and I want you to know right now - I WILL NOT TELL YOU TO LEAVE YOUR PARTNER, if anything I want you to feel you have someone to talk to and help you through this time in your life and let YOU make your own decisions. I HOPE THAT HELPS!
Putting men and women down does not raise the other gender up and that is what a lot of this teaches. We should not be in a state of competition - we should be in a state of loving and appreciating each other's part or if you want to call it role we can say that, in a non-demeaning way.
These behaviors and messages are SO TOXIC to our minds, our relationships, and our Villages (Families).
ARE YOU READY TO...
ORGANIZE YOUR MIND?
Learn new ways of communicating?
Understand your partner, daughter, or women in general a little better?
Learn how to be more romantic or attentive to her needs?
Brush up on some fathering skills?
Feeling isolated, depressed, stuck, out of control, or lost?
Please see "Empowerment Services" for all other Topics I can help you with - although the list of what I can help you with is truly endless.
ANY area of your life I will help you put back together.
RESOURCES FOR MEN!
If you come across anything you feel could help Men in today's society please E-mail me!
Ex: Resources on NORMALIZING men having a Coach, a Therapist, being in a Support Group, Anger Management, being confident in his Spiritual beliefs, practicing communication, sex advice, suicide help, Men's & Boy's Shelters, etc..